MOTHERHOOD

New Year, Same Me

NEW YEAR, SAME ME 

It will be a new year, same me, continuing on an adventure.

 

 

Wait, it’s New Years Eve?

I realized today is New Year’s Eve and that I should probably upload a classic omg 2019 is ending here is my awesome year in review c u in 2020 post.

 

But the truth is I kind of don’t care.

 

When I was younger New Year’s Eve was so exciting. I looked forward to the annual party, the countdown, the fun. As the years have gone by I’ve realized there’s nothing special about the new year. It’s just a date change on the calendar. When I wake up tomorrow the year might be different but everything else will still feel and be the same.

 

This isn’t Cinderella.

When the clock strikes midnight you won’t transform into a different person.

You will always be you.

No matter what you’re wearing.

No matter what you weigh.

No matter what you do.

 

The last 365 days have sent me on a roller coaster.

I have built myself up just to be knocked immediately back down.

I have been tested, hurt, backstabbed and stressed.

I have also been celebrated, accomplished and loved.

I have spent a lot of time trying to do what I thought I should be doing instead of what I wanted to be doing.

 

I spent a lot of this year trying to be an ideal me instead of honouring who I really am

I spent a lot of time putting out content I thought I should put out or what I though I needed to rush to put out instead of what I actually wanted to put out.

I’ve spent too much time watching numbers and stalking profiles.

I spent too much time not being me.

 

But even in those moments.

You are always you.

Maybe you are learning.

Maybe you are growing.

Maybe you are shifting.

Maybe you are regretting.

But you are still you.

 

It wouldn’t be fair to erase this last year and everything I went through. It wouldn’t be fair to myself to pretend the previous year didn’t exist. The last 365 days may have caused a lot of damage to me but it’s also what got me here doing what I’m doing.

 

So it won’t be new year, new me.

When my kids wake me up at 6am tomorrow I will still be me.

When I wake up tomorrow I will not be any different or any more motivated to complete a list of resolutions.

 

 

It will be a new year, same me, continuing on an adventure.

 

 

 

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